Monday, March 14, 2022
11:58 AM | Posted by
suria
Assalamualaikum readers
Lama tak menulis apa-apa kat sini, tapi selalu juga masuk tengok-tengok. Rindu nak menulis dan mencatat journal. Daripada seorang remaja, kahwin, beranak pinak dan blog ini masih di sini. Menyimpan kenangan dan memory.
Menyingkap memori sempena tahun 2022, Uqail Mohd Azri dah nak melangkah masuk ke alam persekolahan sebagai anak murid darjah 1. Berbaki kurang daripada 10 hari, anak sulung umi akan pergi sekolah kebangsaan. Terasa cepat sangat masa berlalu, Uqail dah 7 tahun. Alhamdulillah. Nikmat dan usaha kita semua, rezeki Allah Taala. Umi rasa macam berlalu dengan cepat. All remain as history and memory. Sebab Uqail dah nak darjah 1, ummi nak abadikan sikit coretan buat Uqail. Mana tahu suatu masa nanti Uqail jumpa blog Umi dan baca. I love you very much, son. As much as I love your sister, Airis Hafiya.
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| 2015 |
This is you when we both still within our pantang. Less than 1 month old but look at that hair, all black and so many. My handsome baby boy.
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| 2015 |
This was taken when Tokma had shaved all of your hair. Comel je botak, masa ni Uqail was always a good baby. Tak susahkan Umi sangat pun. All the way a good boy sampai ke sekarang. Doa Umi selalu untuk Abang, biar menjadi anak yang baik, soleh dan beradab. Pandai dan cemerlang itu bonus.
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| 2016 |
Selalu kecik-kecik dulu orang geram dengan Uqail sebab bambam dan rambut lebat. Hensem katanya, moga-moga menjadi sebahagian doa untuk menjadikan Uqail anak yang hebat pada Umi Abi, Abang yang baik untuk Hafiya dan manusia yang berguna pada agama dan negara.
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| 2017 |
Uqail Mata Bulat. Sinonim sangat dengan Abang. Mana-mana pergi pun, mesti ada yang tegur dua benda ni. Mata besar dan bulat atau pun rambut lebat hitam pekat. Rezeki kan, setiap 3 bulan dah kena pergi potong. Sejak umur beberapa bulan pun dah selalu kena bawa pergi barber untuk potong rambut sebab Umi nak anak Umi handsome dan cute.
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| 2018 |
Spotted your little teeth there. Neo natal teeth, gigi yang ada dengan Uqail sejak lahir, sampai ke hari Umi tulis entry ni pun ianya masih ada lagi. This when you were 15kg lighter than now.
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| 2019 |
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| 2020 |
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| 2021 |
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| 2022 |
You are growing up now, Son. I know in few years you will no longer clingy as now and I will miss everything about that. As of now, Abang adalah anak manja Umi Abi. Selalu mengalah dengan adik, mudah sebak dan really good with words. You have impressed me in many ways. Tak ada apa yang Umi nak minta dengan Abang melainkan, jadilah anak yang beradab dan beragama. Yang taat kepada agama dan mengerjakan sebaik-baiknya semua yang diperlukan. I love you very much my baby boy. Giving birth to you was a miracle to me, and having you as my first baby is always a blessing. I learnt many thing through you and let's explore more as long as God will. Remember our promise... "to love and holding the hand forever".
Wednesday, January 20, 2021
Assalamualaikum readers
Ya Allah, tajamkan ingatanku ya Allah.
January 2020
- CNY balik Kelantan, celebrate dengan family aunty adik my mom. Tahun ni merasa berkumpul ramai-ramai, abang chik pun ada. Sempat ambik gambar big family with cousins yang different race. Teringat ni memang boleh buat sebak.
- My lil sister started to work at her current work place. I am happy for her.
- Official set up for my son room with his fav color and bedroom set.
February 2020
- Having a long wait vacation with my bFFs di The Kasturi. Resort superb and nice place to stay with private pool somemore. Amirah was still heavily pregnant to Alham. One of the nicest memories of 2020.
- Work issue, VFD damaged on 2nd day arrival from USA.
- Maktok, kakak pengasuh kesayangan anak-anak meninggal dunia.
- Abang Long (BIL) open up on his planning to remarried and yes, all of us were genuinely happy for him. He deserved the happiness. He was married to his new wife on 22 February. Welcome to the family Kakti. We gonna love you dearly too.
- Covid 19, kicking in to Malaysia from oversea
- Home improvement, we bought new TV & new washing machine.
- Malaysian politic started to boiling up regarding dissolution of PH.
- 27 February 2020, Abang chik started to has high fever and was admitted to HRPZ. The saddest part of my 2020.
March 2020
- Covid 19 cases increased day by day.
- Kenduri at Abang Long's house. I am home for amost every weekend since the week Abang chik was admitted as he's unconscious and need us to keep support & motivate him to wake up.
- Anak-anak abang chik were transferred temporarily to Ipoh since their mother was staying at hospital taking care for my beloved chik.
- My last trip balik Kelantan before the 1st MCO was announced. MCO was started on my husband birthday and since that I am officially grounded at Terengganu and chik's condition were not so good from day to days. I am sorry Chik, we're failing you. We have no choice back then except redha dan bergantung harap pada keajaiban Allah SWT dan keprihatinan pihak ICU Intan HPRZ.
- I started to WFH, company was operating at 30% manpower capacity.
- KakNa bersalinkan Naila.
April 2020
- My grievance for real. The same month for the passing of arwah ayah. Abang chik kembali ke rahmatullah dengan tenangnya di pagi Khamis, 16 April 2020, seminggu sebelum mula berpuasa. Aku masih wfh, dalam mamai tidur selepas subuh setelah sepanjang malam aku xleh tidur tak tahu fikirkan apa. Kosong! Berita perit, perjalanan yang penuh duka daripada Terengganu balik Kelantan. 13 roadblocks, MCO lagi masa ni. Terpaling kecewa bila mana, anak-anak arwah tidak dapat rentas negeri. Kandas di Gerik. Sampai sekarang ingat semua ni, perit. Sedih, kecewa,pilu. Kerasnya hati pegawai-pegawai bertugas di Gerik tu menafikan perjalanan anak-anak Chik yang dari pagi lepas je perjalanannya dari Ipoh. Allahu, terpaling aku berduka tiap kali mengenangkan peristiwa ni. Semoga Sofea & Rayyan membesar jadi insan berguna, taat kepada Baba & mama, soleh solehah. InshaAllah.
- Amirah bersalinkan Alham 28 April 2020.
May 2020
- Tahun pertama sejak berkerja, jadi isteri orang. Tak balik buka puasa dan beraya dengan Ma. Sedih tapi abide dengan rules yang kerajaan tetapkan.
- Masa ni kerja dan operasi kilang dah kembali kepada biasa, full capacity with necessary SOP. Alhamdulillah, company agak okay dan bayar gaji seperti biasa walau break seketika semasa MCO.
- Work related, mesin XRF sampai ke makmal & training for first time via online.
- Tahun ni beraya dalam mood sedih, tahun 2019 kehilangan arwah sulong. Tahun ni merasa pemergian Abang chik. It's no joke, real pain strobbing inside. Numbness around and no word to describe what is my real feeling. To the day I am typing all these summaries of my 2020. I still felt the same pain and numbness.
June 2020
- MCO officially end on 9 June 2020. I went home on the weekend for Hari Raya. Visiting close family and siblings houses only.
- Live a normal life despite grievance and post covid things. Everything pretty well control at this stage but who knows the outbreak become greater soon after MCO lifted, sudden Sabah PRN etc.
July 2020
- Uqail & Airis were having their first overnight at Tokma's house.
- Sudden decision, maybe husband was trying to make my heart flutter. We're suddenly changing our first car to a new car. No proper planning but it just happened to be like that. Everything was so smooth to a point we're feeling bad to cancel our booking. We bidding farewell with our lovely civic FB and pouring the love to new civic FC. What a decision kan.. Basically same car but only different model. As long as you happy, love. Went to KL to handover the FB and bring back the FC
- Uqail started to go to school back after long break due to MCO + covid.
- We went to Sunway Lagoon, grabbing the MCO promo. First vacation after covid.
- Road trip back to Kedah to celebrate Hari Raya Haji. my first time experience to celebrate Raya with family at Kedah. One of my way to revert my grievance of losing beloved Chik. Everything I did at Kelantan, remind me about him. Like a lot! My heavy heart sways every time I am doing something that he like, I am eating something he love. Because we were too close to each other, with 2 years apart. I believed I am his team of growing up. Losing sibling and family is painful. Telling you the truth!
August 2020
- 2nd vacation with in law family at PD. Went to hibiscus Lexis with Along, MIL and SIL.
- 3rd vacation post covid, went to Sekayu with my Family. We're trying our best to be normal, live normal life after a big hole punched direct to heart. Grievance take time but we do living. We have too. This family day was one of the occasion to chill and baby steps to live, again!
- Work related, one of my close colleague leaving the company for new opportunity. Good luck to him and may our path cross again in future. Thanks for all the guidance and care since 2016.
September 2020
- Pai... My long lost Bff sudden call. Thanks Pai. I love you dearly and my door always open for you. Comeback whenever you want, I will be always here for you.
- 4th holiday with my lil family to GH. Alhamdulillah. Stay safe and kicking up with life accordingly.
October 2020
- Work related, self improvement and enhancement meeting at KL. Things get better accordingly, all you need to do is keep doing your good work and chin up.
- Ngah was hospitalized, tbh I am scared. Scare for the things that no one ever ready. But Alhamdulillah, Ngah was getting better after her operation.
- Covid outbreak become greater at certain places especially Sabah and Selangor. MCO was announced at several states.
- Our 8th wedding anniversary but we're in pandemic. The recent outbreak stops almost everything. I love you and will always do. As promised.
November 2020
- Revise meal planning with husband, detour to healthier choice. Alhamdulillah, we can saw the progress. Slow progress but inshaAllah we gonna keep this style from now on. Slow and steady.
- Home improvement with love, install pavement brick on our own. I have to compliment my beloved hubby for his hard work. He's working hard yet he's giving me the present. Went to Kenyir several time and this year I managed to secure my 2nd new set of corelle. Worth a note here as I am not a person who easily spending money on unnecessary thing. Thanks Abang.
- My family was preparing to do Tahlil for Abang Chik, and suddenly MCO related. I was barred from crossing the state and end up I wasn't attending the majlis. Anyhow, everything went well and as plan. Alhamdulillah. I miss you, still. Chik!
December 2020
- 2020 is totally year of reflecting, grievance and re-planning. I am losing people that I care and love but at same time 2020 has taught me to be prepared of many things that I never experienced before.
- Airis was warded twice in December. First admittance was due to bad bacteria infection in her gastro and the 2nd was due to dysentery/diarrhea/rotavirus.
- Kids' birthday. We allowed them to choose their own toys as present, having big celebration at Kelantan with family. The home-base family day. Alhamdulillah, all went well.
- Covid came closer to us. Nothing much we can do but as everyone is evolving around. Do whatever it take to take care of yourself and your love one. Take care folks. May 2021 become brighter than what 2020 has offered to us.
- Work related; Alhamdulillah despite Covid 19 and an impactful 2020 to many of us. We're showered with love and rezeki. Alhamdulillah. Let's work harder and give the best for whatever life offer to us ahead.
Happy New Year.
Thank you 2020, You're Welcome 2021.
Please be better!!! InshaAllah.
Monday, November 30, 2020
Assalamualaikum readers, if any...
I have my dearly family, nice husband and cute kids. I am imaging way forward to live with them, but at same time I am being rational too. Leaving this beautiful world is beyond our control, all is fate. So I always telling myself to keep my rational and live to fullest. Give endless love and try my best to limit hatred or just being mad. I want to be remembered as someone that always there for my mind, presence and support.
Nowadays, it seems I have nothing to write on. Most of the time, I am occupied with my daily task and life. Pretty simple and straightforward. I should be thankful to everything that Allah gave to me so far, the nikmat and hikmah is beyond my words.
I've lost 3 siblings so far. At age of 32 years old, I learnt to grief in silent. I learnt that my heart is very fragile yet flexible. It can be adjusted according to my need. I am still in love with my other half, my kids and foremost my life. I love the way Allah guide and shower the blessing to me so far.
I've lost 3 siblings so far. At age of 32 years old, I learnt to grief in silent. I learnt that my heart is very fragile yet flexible. It can be adjusted according to my need. I am still in love with my other half, my kids and foremost my life. I love the way Allah guide and shower the blessing to me so far.
Living in this world, I learnt to stop comparing my life with anyone else. I am pacing at my own speed and setting my own goals. Agama and iman is something u need to instill into any soul, so that one day she/he know what is the true meaning of living within this earth.
I have my dearly family, nice husband and cute kids. I am imaging way forward to live with them, but at same time I am being rational too. Leaving this beautiful world is beyond our control, all is fate. So I always telling myself to keep my rational and live to fullest. Give endless love and try my best to limit hatred or just being mad. I want to be remembered as someone that always there for my mind, presence and support.
I am writing a random post again. Just because I want to spill out what has been flowed in my mind.
Wednesday, September 9, 2020
Assalamualaikum readers
Sebenarnya dah lama aku rasa aku hilang passion nak menulis. 2019, 2020.. Tahun yang sangat menguji aku untuk berpijak di bumi yang nyata. Tahun yang memberikan aku ujian kehilangan adik-beradik. Beratnya dugaan itu, rasa terbuku di hati. Hanya Allah Taala yang tahu. Selain daripada Perintah Kawalan Pergerakan (PKP) bersempena dengan Covid-19, 2020 ini juga banyak mengajar aku tentang menghargai apa jua yang kita ada.
Rentetan kehilangan seorang lagi adik beradikku selepas arwah Aisyah & Long.. Abang Chik menyusul, kembali ke negeri abadi pada 16 April 2020 selepas 50 hari bertarung nyawa di HRPZ. Sakit kehilangan, kekangan covid yang menyukarkan pergerakan. Ianya satu pengalaman yang tak mungkin aku lupakan. Abang chik, abang aku. 2 tahun tua daripada aku. Meninggal di usia 34 tahun, meninggalkan seorang balu dan sepasang anak. Semoga mereka semua kuat meneruskan kehidupan, aku inshaAllah akan bantu apa yang termampu. Sebahagian amanah untuk ku pikul sampai mereka besar dan berjaya.
Abang Chik masuk ward pada 27 February 2020, sebelum negara dikecohkan dengan wabak covid. Sayangnya semua orang dengan chik, aku balik almost every weekend. Anak-anak sedara, adik bradik, isteri Chik sendiri. Semua berkampung, amik giliran menunggu chik. Sehinggalah kerajaan mengumumkan PKP.. Kami ada kekangan. Aku tak boleh balik, merentasi negeri seperti selalu. Isteri Chik disuruh pulang, tidak lagi dibenarkan bermalam di hospital menemani Chik. Chik, I believed that you were so lonely during that period. I am truly sorry for that. It was beyond my ability to change that. Even to remember that, it was so hurtful.
After 50 days bertarung nyawa, Chik dijemput kembali ke negeri Abadi. Kisah terpilu untuk keluarga besar kita chik. Chik pergi juga, lama chik berkampung di hospital. Mudah urusan chik diselesaikan. Semuanya cepat dan pantas. Aku pun balik Chik. Aku langgar saja perintah kawalan, biarlah andai kata aku akan disaman masa tu. Aku redha Chik. Aku nak balik tengok mu untuk terakhir kali. Lama aku pendam perasaan aku ni Chik. Tak mampu untuk aku tulis. Rasa kosong. Masih terkilan sampai saat ini, Sofea & Rayyan tak berjaya rentas negeri. Keras hati pegawai tentera tu Chik, menidakkan hak anak-anak chik untuk balik jenguk CHik buat kali terakhir. Sakit betul hati tiap kali fikirkan keadaan masa tu, dari Ipoh dah ke Gerik dah chik.. Tapi mereka dinafikan hak untuk rentas negeri bertemu buat kali akhir jenazah Baba mereka sendiri. Allahu, dugaan yang menyakitkan. Lagi-lagi untuk isteri Chik.
After 50 days bertarung nyawa, Chik dijemput kembali ke negeri Abadi. Kisah terpilu untuk keluarga besar kita chik. Chik pergi juga, lama chik berkampung di hospital. Mudah urusan chik diselesaikan. Semuanya cepat dan pantas. Aku pun balik Chik. Aku langgar saja perintah kawalan, biarlah andai kata aku akan disaman masa tu. Aku redha Chik. Aku nak balik tengok mu untuk terakhir kali. Lama aku pendam perasaan aku ni Chik. Tak mampu untuk aku tulis. Rasa kosong. Masih terkilan sampai saat ini, Sofea & Rayyan tak berjaya rentas negeri. Keras hati pegawai tentera tu Chik, menidakkan hak anak-anak chik untuk balik jenguk CHik buat kali terakhir. Sakit betul hati tiap kali fikirkan keadaan masa tu, dari Ipoh dah ke Gerik dah chik.. Tapi mereka dinafikan hak untuk rentas negeri bertemu buat kali akhir jenazah Baba mereka sendiri. Allahu, dugaan yang menyakitkan. Lagi-lagi untuk isteri Chik.
Akan aku kenangkan mu sebagai Abang aku yang nampak kasar, tegas tapi sebenarnya tersangat baik dan lembut hati. Seorang yang tidak menyusahkan sesiapa, berdikari dan sayangkan adik beradik. Marah mu, amaran mu. Semua demi menjaga nama baik keluarga. Aku ingat semua tu chik.
Aku kenang mimpi aku di hari akhir mu sebelum kau hembuskan nafasmu. Aku kenangkan semua kenangan dan cerita antara kita. Di hari persemadianmu, ramai orang datang Chik. Ramainya kawan-kawanmu. Di facebook, ramai yang tak menyangka, bercerita tentang sikapmu yang suka melawak dan buatkan orang ketawa. Engkau sahabat yang baik, sepertimana aku kenangkan mu sebagai abang yang baik. Rehatlah kau di sana, aku kirimkan doa.
Salam sayang cinta abadi buat saudaraku Suria Helmi bin Muhammad, yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada tanggal 16 April 2020. Sedekahkan bacaan al fatihah buat arwah abangku ini sekiranya ada sesiapa yang membaca post ini. Aku masih rindu. Masih ada rindu.. Pada arwah Ayah, arwah Aisyah, arwah Long dan sekarang senarai ini bertambah dengan kau. Rehatlah Chik. Terputus sudah urusan kalian dengan dunia, sedangkan kami.. Masih samar, belum pasti bagaimana pengakhirannya nanti.
Salam sayang cinta abadi buat saudaraku Suria Helmi bin Muhammad, yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada tanggal 16 April 2020. Sedekahkan bacaan al fatihah buat arwah abangku ini sekiranya ada sesiapa yang membaca post ini. Aku masih rindu. Masih ada rindu.. Pada arwah Ayah, arwah Aisyah, arwah Long dan sekarang senarai ini bertambah dengan kau. Rehatlah Chik. Terputus sudah urusan kalian dengan dunia, sedangkan kami.. Masih samar, belum pasti bagaimana pengakhirannya nanti.
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
Assalamualaikum readers
Semakin lama semakin hilang idea atau 'touch' untuk menulis. Berpegang kepada niat, kena juga rajinkan diri update sesekali.. Lagi-lagi melibatkan anak-anak, permata hati umi dan abi. Never take life for granted.
10 December 2017.
A healthy baby girl was born and we named her as Airis Hafiya. And today she's officially turns two years old. Time flies so fast, so many things to recap. Doa umi, biarlah anak umi membesar sihat dan cerdas, jadi insan berguna kepada semua orang dan agama. Semoga adik berjaya dunia akhirat.
10 December 2019,
Ummi bake a cake untuk adik. A simple vanila sponge cake with fresh cream. Suka tengok anak-anak enjoy the cake on their plates. Ianya bukanla satu cake yang tersangat cantik but trust me, it took my utmost effort to get it done. Specially for you.
Alhamdulillah.. semoga kita akan lebih bahagia dan gembira di tahun-tahun yang akan datang. I love you so much Airis Hafiya Mohd Azri. Abang posing dulu dengan cake adik, nanti 14 Dec I'll prepare another cake for you. Just the way you like it.
Tuesday, August 6, 2019
Assalamualaikum readers
Alhamdulillah.. it has been 9days. My Husband is included as one of the lucky muslim to be invited to go to Mecca to perform his pilgrimage. Rukun Islam ke 5 at 31 years old. Alhamdulillah. Hubby was leaving to Mecca via Kuala Lumpur on 29th July 2019 around 6.30pm. He was arriving Jeddah somewhere around 3.30am, Malaysia time.
May Allah grant him a good health, patience and strong will to complete all the rukun and assist his mother to perform her Hajj too. InshaAllah Haji mambrur and maqbul both of you. We all missing you so much but at same time, we are ok. Knowing that you are landed to a holy place for a good deed. InshaAllah.
He will be away for about 40days. May Allah grant me ultimate patience and health too, to take care of everything.
Alhamdulillah.. it has been 9days. My Husband is included as one of the lucky muslim to be invited to go to Mecca to perform his pilgrimage. Rukun Islam ke 5 at 31 years old. Alhamdulillah. Hubby was leaving to Mecca via Kuala Lumpur on 29th July 2019 around 6.30pm. He was arriving Jeddah somewhere around 3.30am, Malaysia time.
May Allah grant him a good health, patience and strong will to complete all the rukun and assist his mother to perform her Hajj too. InshaAllah Haji mambrur and maqbul both of you. We all missing you so much but at same time, we are ok. Knowing that you are landed to a holy place for a good deed. InshaAllah.
He will be away for about 40days. May Allah grant me ultimate patience and health too, to take care of everything.
Monday, June 24, 2019
Assalamualaikum readers
Half way journey of my 2019. Will I able to go longer
Or will not? Never one would have the definite answer.
Half way of my 2019, I have experienced many sweet sour of life occasions.
For whatever reason I hope it will help me to be better.
One of the big grievance recently,
I have lost my beloved eldest sister.
She's been invited to return to the Rabbul Izzati.
Leaving us behind, longing and remembering the good old days we had.
The grievance is real and take time to heal. It is different when she's around
and even harder when she's gone.
Day by day, I still found myself thinking of her.
How is she? She used to this and that to me. This I would call as LOVE.
She is part of my conversation, whenever I call my mom.
I would always ask my Ma how is she and the progress and all.
Now, I have to spare differently. I felt this way, the sadness.
So imagine how it would be to my mom, who just losing her eldest daughter.
The first baby she's holding and breastfeeding,
the one that make her became a MOTHER. I wouldn't dare to ask!
It is not that we are not accepting takdir or fate. NO, don't get me wrong.
But grievance of losing close family member who we love dearly,
surely take time. Accepting for sure, but as time went by.
One by one, the memory is playing back to our memory.
And we're starting to relate this and that, we are reminiscing so many things.
And evolve around the clock, looking into the faces of her beloved people ,
her husband, her kids and her youngest daughter.
Make me feel the sadness even more.
Sadness, grievance of losing. Doesn't same as you not accepting the fate.
It is part of process and it will pace one at a time.
It won't go away but will be faded,
Because I have experienced it twice. Year 2000, losing my Ayah
Year 2013, losing of my younger sister after myself.
It is not really seems concern when they are around
but we are greatly affected when they are gone.
Anyhow, redha is always the thing that we should look forward too.
I don't want to write more about memories growing up with you,
But to be honest, up to this day. Whenever I see telur mata kerbau with kicap manis, add on with tomato sauce and some slices red onions. I will always remember that this was what you made to us, the siblings long-long time ago when we're kids. You're the kakak that feed us with this staple food.
Dear nieces and nephews,
I hope you know that I will be always there for you guys.
Probably not in person at every time
but I am willing to be with u guys whenever u need me.
I might not the best sister for your mom,
but I believed she always adore and love me.
As back then, she would always called me and spent hours to share whatever she's experienced in her day or just talk about all of u. Be it, she was happy or mad. I always got the call from her. To be honest, sometimes I felt annoying too because whenever she was calling then I have to listen for her whole stories for hours. No matter what I am doing, I still have to listen and listen. She always like that. Talkative.Eldest sister that will open up her life to one who she would put her trust on. And I believed I on her list.
I am still missing you Long (nickname for her being the sulung).
Not even a day since the day you left us, I'm not thinking about you.
Looking around, I might living as normal as I could. But deep there.
I am longing and still found myself thinking a lot of things about you.
I believed you are in better place now,
I hope I will be leaving this world in Husnul Khotimah too.
I will include you inside my prayers just like I always did for Ayah and Aishah.
You are my eldest sister.
You are one of my supporter.
You are one of closest person who always proud of me
Even I have nothing to spare. Your endless support to me,
I know it is all due to love, even you are not the one who will show
directly that you are loving person. I want to keep you in my mind like that.
I want to remember you as one of the person who always keep everything capsuled inside yourself, confront everything on your own, you are the brave person in your own battle. I want to remember you like that. You are a very kind cikgu who always love to see beauty in anything u touch on.
You should be known like that. I will always remember and love u Long.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un
You will be always missed, Long.
As I wrote this, you have returned there for 35days.
Will be always loved:
Suriani Mohammad
14 January 1975 - 21 May 2019 (9.00am) (44yrs old)
27 Zulhijjah 1394 A.H -15 Ramadhan 1440 A.H
Half way journey of my 2019. Will I able to go longer
Or will not? Never one would have the definite answer.
Half way of my 2019, I have experienced many sweet sour of life occasions.
For whatever reason I hope it will help me to be better.
One of the big grievance recently,
I have lost my beloved eldest sister.
She's been invited to return to the Rabbul Izzati.
Leaving us behind, longing and remembering the good old days we had.
The grievance is real and take time to heal. It is different when she's around
and even harder when she's gone.
Day by day, I still found myself thinking of her.
How is she? She used to this and that to me. This I would call as LOVE.
She is part of my conversation, whenever I call my mom.
I would always ask my Ma how is she and the progress and all.
Now, I have to spare differently. I felt this way, the sadness.
So imagine how it would be to my mom, who just losing her eldest daughter.
The first baby she's holding and breastfeeding,
the one that make her became a MOTHER. I wouldn't dare to ask!
It is not that we are not accepting takdir or fate. NO, don't get me wrong.
But grievance of losing close family member who we love dearly,
surely take time. Accepting for sure, but as time went by.
One by one, the memory is playing back to our memory.
And we're starting to relate this and that, we are reminiscing so many things.
And evolve around the clock, looking into the faces of her beloved people ,
her husband, her kids and her youngest daughter.
Make me feel the sadness even more.
Sadness, grievance of losing. Doesn't same as you not accepting the fate.
It is part of process and it will pace one at a time.
It won't go away but will be faded,
Because I have experienced it twice. Year 2000, losing my Ayah
Year 2013, losing of my younger sister after myself.
It is not really seems concern when they are around
but we are greatly affected when they are gone.
Anyhow, redha is always the thing that we should look forward too.
I don't want to write more about memories growing up with you,
But to be honest, up to this day. Whenever I see telur mata kerbau with kicap manis, add on with tomato sauce and some slices red onions. I will always remember that this was what you made to us, the siblings long-long time ago when we're kids. You're the kakak that feed us with this staple food.
Dear nieces and nephews,
I hope you know that I will be always there for you guys.
Probably not in person at every time
but I am willing to be with u guys whenever u need me.
I might not the best sister for your mom,
but I believed she always adore and love me.
As back then, she would always called me and spent hours to share whatever she's experienced in her day or just talk about all of u. Be it, she was happy or mad. I always got the call from her. To be honest, sometimes I felt annoying too because whenever she was calling then I have to listen for her whole stories for hours. No matter what I am doing, I still have to listen and listen. She always like that. Talkative.Eldest sister that will open up her life to one who she would put her trust on. And I believed I on her list.
I am still missing you Long (nickname for her being the sulung).
Not even a day since the day you left us, I'm not thinking about you.
Looking around, I might living as normal as I could. But deep there.
I am longing and still found myself thinking a lot of things about you.
I believed you are in better place now,
I hope I will be leaving this world in Husnul Khotimah too.
I will include you inside my prayers just like I always did for Ayah and Aishah.
You are my eldest sister.
You are one of my supporter.
You are one of closest person who always proud of me
Even I have nothing to spare. Your endless support to me,
I know it is all due to love, even you are not the one who will show
directly that you are loving person. I want to keep you in my mind like that.
I want to remember you as one of the person who always keep everything capsuled inside yourself, confront everything on your own, you are the brave person in your own battle. I want to remember you like that. You are a very kind cikgu who always love to see beauty in anything u touch on.
You should be known like that. I will always remember and love u Long.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un
You will be always missed, Long.
As I wrote this, you have returned there for 35days.
Will be always loved:
Suriani Mohammad
14 January 1975 - 21 May 2019 (9.00am) (44yrs old)
27 Zulhijjah 1394 A.H -15 Ramadhan 1440 A.H
Monday, April 29, 2019
Assalamualaikum readers
Ini random sebab terjumpa gambar-gambar ni.
Sebab memory tak berulang, so mari kita simpan. Seriously talk on random issues.
Ini random sebab terjumpa gambar-gambar ni.
Sebab memory tak berulang, so mari kita simpan. Seriously talk on random issues.
Sekarang ni dah gemuk daripada ni rasanya. Ingin kurus lama dah.
Tapi tak kurus-kurus. Macamana nak kurus pun tak tahu.
Tapi tak kurus-kurus. Macamana nak kurus pun tak tahu.
Exercise tak rajin mana, tapi makan bertambah-tambah.
Harap-harap ada effort la, dan harap suami kekal sayang sampai bila-bila.
Sekarang playmate ni dah tak ada.
Umi sedekah kat sekolah Uqailsebab susah nau budak kecik tu suka cabut.
Suka gigit masuk mulut, lain perangai dia dengan abang.
Abang jenis suka apa saja beroda.
Terutama polis car, fire engine, bulldozer, dump truck.
eh macam semua benda la. asal nama vehicles dia sapu.
Sekarang ni pun duk simpan semua lagi, jenis cermat mainan dia.
bulat umi dah kurus tapi masih bulat di pipi. ni masa adik umur 8bulan kot.
Sekarang dah setahun 4 bulan. dah berlari laju. dah pandai cakap.
Nak susu cakap "nak tutu"
pandai cakap "akit", "didi", "nana", "Tedo", "nyak"
Hope abang membesar sayangkan adik sampai bila bila.
adik besar bawah jagaan abang. kasih dekat abang. tak khianat abang.
Tak lama dah nak puasa. dulu budak ni suka bangun pagi teman
masak sahur dengan umi. Harap tahun ni tidak la dia buat perangai tu.
Umi berazam ni, nak sahur dan berbuka dengan menu sihat.
Hopefully Abi sokongla angan-angan umi. Misi baju rasa size apa ni?
Hopefully Abi sokongla angan-angan umi. Misi baju rasa size apa ni?
Jangan sembang saja sudahla.
Bula kecik kesayangan hamba.
Airis Hafiya Mohd Azri, manja yang comel memikat hati.
Semoga adik pengikat kasih umi abi dan abang. We love u so much dik.
Kenangan. Sekarang ni takde dah potong kat rumah.
Abang dah berani ke barber shop. dah xyah riba dah,
Abang dah berani ke barber shop. dah xyah riba dah,
dah pandai duduk sendiri atas kerusi follow instruction barber.
"good job abang Uqail. I love u so much!"
Friday, April 19, 2019
Assalamualaikum readers
Knowing that all these moments will be gone, one day.
I better keep it here. The bonding of these two cuties.
These pictures were captured recently when we’re at De Rhu Resort, Kuantan.
Airis kacau Uqail main handphone.
Rule from Ummi, no handphone during weekdays.
So far work very well for us to limit the screen time to them.
Airis tak minat pun handphone, belum fasa dia kot.
Uqail la lebih sikit sebab dia dah ada preference apa nak tengok.
Knowing that all these moments will be gone, one day.
I better keep it here. The bonding of these two cuties.
These pictures were captured recently when we’re at De Rhu Resort, Kuantan.
Airis kacau Uqail main handphone.
Rule from Ummi, no handphone during weekdays.
So far work very well for us to limit the screen time to them.
Airis tak minat pun handphone, belum fasa dia kot.
Uqail la lebih sikit sebab dia dah ada preference apa nak tengok.
Adik cuba minta handphone dengan abang.
Tapi macam biasa abang akan conquer la sebab abang dah pandai.
Style adik jugak, lagi orang tak bagi.
Lagi tu dia akan usaha amik. Dah la semua benda nak buat sendiri.
Macam dia besar sangat. Ni mesti kes nak pegang handphone tu sendiri.
Bila suruh kiss abang. Laju je dia.
Tapi abang endah tak endah la. Fokus dia kat screen tu la.
Manfaatkan weekend dan masa main handphone sebaiknya.
Agaknya la kan Airis mesti kata “ Bang, bagi la Airis pulak. Share arrr!”
Umi agak je la. Sebab Airis belum pandai cakap pun.
Yang dia tahu “nyakk” maksud dia “nak!”
Atau “na tutu” ie “nak susu”.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Assalamualaikum readers
Saat dunia blogging makin sunyi.
Ummi tetap nak simpan sikit kenangan di sini.
Biar suatu hari nanti, kalau ada rezeki anak-anak ummi jumpa blog umi.
Kalian boleh lihat sendiri, serba sedikit moment-moment indah kami.
Abang Uqail dah pergi sekolah, sekolah Kemas je.
Asalnya nak suruh dia belajar bergaul je.
Tapi sekarang macam ter'suka' dah kat sekolah dia.
Environment yang bagus, cikgu komited, pembantu pra yg penyayang.
Anak pun seronok pergi sekolah, balik ada je dia share apa aktiviti dia di sekolah.
Salah satunya, macam kat atas. Minta nak tidur, xnak makan sebab mengantuk sgt.
Adik yang manja. Anak manja dengan Abi.
Airis ni lain perwatakan dia daripada Uqail. Dia macam aktif dan agresif.
Manja, tapi lebih kepada boleh bawa diri sendiri. Persistent style gitu.
Kalau dah dia nak, dia akan usaha amik. Usaha panjat. No wonder dah tahu panjat katil.
Sejenis yang tak reti takut or geli. Pijak pasir, no hal. Pijak rumput, rilex je. Cool eh dik.
Abang pulak jenis manja, jenis ada minor OCD. Jenis nak kena ikut dia.
Tak boleh comot, tak boleh sepah. Agak kedekut mainan dia sebab takut rosak.
Tapi boleh dibawa berbincang, kalau dia faham. Dia akan tolerate very well.
Semoga abang boleh jadi pelindung adik di masa depan.
Kekal sensitif utk keperluan semua orang.
Cepat masa berlalu.
Kalian membesar sihat. Takda lain doa umi. semoga Allah pelihara kalian dalam rahmatnya.
Semoga kalian redha dengan didikan umi abi. Biar suatu masa nanti.
Uqail dan Airis menjadi manusia yg berguna utk agama dan manusia semua.
My handsome lil prince.
Anak lelaki yang pandai amik hati umi. Yang selalu cakap 'i love u' kat umi sebelum tidur.
Membesarlah anakku, masa tak boleh diberhentikan. Tapi satu masa nanti, umi pasti rindu.
Saat dunia blogging makin sunyi.
Ummi tetap nak simpan sikit kenangan di sini.
Biar suatu hari nanti, kalau ada rezeki anak-anak ummi jumpa blog umi.
Kalian boleh lihat sendiri, serba sedikit moment-moment indah kami.
Asalnya nak suruh dia belajar bergaul je.
Tapi sekarang macam ter'suka' dah kat sekolah dia.
Environment yang bagus, cikgu komited, pembantu pra yg penyayang.
Anak pun seronok pergi sekolah, balik ada je dia share apa aktiviti dia di sekolah.
Salah satunya, macam kat atas. Minta nak tidur, xnak makan sebab mengantuk sgt.
Airis ni lain perwatakan dia daripada Uqail. Dia macam aktif dan agresif.
Manja, tapi lebih kepada boleh bawa diri sendiri. Persistent style gitu.
Kalau dah dia nak, dia akan usaha amik. Usaha panjat. No wonder dah tahu panjat katil.
Sejenis yang tak reti takut or geli. Pijak pasir, no hal. Pijak rumput, rilex je. Cool eh dik.
Tak boleh comot, tak boleh sepah. Agak kedekut mainan dia sebab takut rosak.
Tapi boleh dibawa berbincang, kalau dia faham. Dia akan tolerate very well.
Semoga abang boleh jadi pelindung adik di masa depan.
Kekal sensitif utk keperluan semua orang.
Gambar terpaling suka so far. COmey anak-anak umi.
Abang yang aktif melompat, makan apa saja kecuali sayur dan bawang.
Berbeza dengan adik. Adik sejenis yang tak memilih. Janji bagi adik makan.
Berbeza dengan adik. Adik sejenis yang tak memilih. Janji bagi adik makan.
Persamaan dua beradik ni, jenis yang menangis sampai muntah.
Kalau kena marah, nangis sampai muntah. Sakit, nangis sampai muntah.
Kalau kena marah, nangis sampai muntah. Sakit, nangis sampai muntah.
So, ada baiknya elakkan je la daripada bagi diorang menangis. Nanti kena bersihkan muntah.
Kalian membesar sihat. Takda lain doa umi. semoga Allah pelihara kalian dalam rahmatnya.
Semoga kalian redha dengan didikan umi abi. Biar suatu masa nanti.
Uqail dan Airis menjadi manusia yg berguna utk agama dan manusia semua.
Anak lelaki yang pandai amik hati umi. Yang selalu cakap 'i love u' kat umi sebelum tidur.
Membesarlah anakku, masa tak boleh diberhentikan. Tapi satu masa nanti, umi pasti rindu.
Sunday, January 13, 2019
Assalamualaikum readers
Me, trying to explain how much I love my kids it like everyone is trying to count the stars. Infinity. Airis Hafiya, my second child. My precious little girl. Adik Uqail, always has a special place in my heart. She was turning 1 year old last year, on the 10 of December 2018.
Adik was expected to born on 12.12.2017, but due to unforeseen reason she was born healthily on 10 of December 2017 via emergency C-zer due to fetal distress issue. Everything remain fresh, on that day. Ummi should be admitted to the hospital HSNZ around 10am but being me, with no pain and all. We decided to walk first at Mydin Kuala Terengganu with Uqail and Abi. Later around 12pm, we were sending Abang to Tokma place and calmly go to hospital. Normal procedure at PAC room, meeting the doctors, repeat scanning and one of the specialist asked the MO to bring ummi to the labor room to do the detail scan as the machine in PAC room is unclear & blurred. So to labor room we went, time was around 12.40pm. Abi was waiting outside of PAC room. At labor room, the doctor repeat scanning, then asked ummi to lay on the bed to do ECG. We did that for several times and later did I know that the graph was showing not good sign thus the doctors said, "U have to go for emergency C-zer, otherwise it would be very dangerous for both of u". Ummi asked the doctors to give ummi 10minutes, not to think but to perform solat Zohor. It was around 3.40pm and ummi got no chance to pray beforehand due to several times repeating that ECG. The permission was granted and they asked ummi to pray at the staff room inside the labor room and the funny thing was, one of the doctor was waiting outside the room the whole time I was praying. She actually wait to insert the branula and want to take blood sample first for the procedures. At that time I was asking them to let Abi know that I have to undergo emergency c-zer. Anyhow we plan, Allah always have better plan than us, so just lets the rest of it as it is. I would kept it close to my heart. I love you my baby girl, Airis Hafiya binti Mohd Azri. Happy First Birthday, Adik. Umi, Abi and Abang Uqail love you so much.
Wednesday, December 19, 2018
Assalamualaikum readers
Coretan ingat-ingat lupa. Sebelum lupa terus, mari kita tulis blog sikit simpan untuk rujukan masa tua nanti. Trip ke Jepun ni tak lama pun, sekejap sangat atas urusan kerja dan first time for both of us outstation berdua. Biasa outstation alone, so tak rasa sedih sangat nak tinggal anak-anak sebab tahu one of us still there with them. Haish, kali ni no more excuse to give. Ke Jepun berdua la kita. Alang-alang ke negara orang, mari kita simpan sikit kenangan. Orang sekeliling cakap seronok la jalan berdua, honeymoon kononnya. Tapi jujur ikhlas tak seronok pun, rasa nak suruh habis cepat pusing jam bagi masa gerak laju sebab nak balik. Nak duduk dengan anak-anak. Homesick!
25 November 2018
Amik flight last from KB to KLIA sebab nak tinggal anak kat rumah Ma. Then rumah Ma ke airport pun dekat je. Ingat anak-anak akan tidur ikut timing biasa, sedihnya tak. Airis macam tahu Ummi Abi nak tinggal dia. Ya Allah, sedih gila ingat balik masa Abang Ngah drop kat Airport, Airis menangis teruk. Dengan umi sekali pilu wey. Duk situ tunggu flight sekali delay pulak. Nasib baik flight ke Osaka dah re-time ke 4am. Kalau tak naya la. Confirm tak sempat check in luggage. Dari KB jam 12am, arrived KLIA around 1am gitu. Sebab delay, dapat food coupon so lepak mamak jap makan bihun sementara nak boading to next plane. Baggage dah drop awal-awal.
KL to Osaka, board around 4.20am and arrived around 11am. Urusan Imigresen tak lama pun walau boleh kata ramai jugaklah orang. Flight besar gabak daripada KL to Kansai tu penuh oii.. Gila kaya-kaya orang Malaysia sekarang ni. Jalan jauh sakan. Sampai sana naik macam train ke Imigresen check point. Lepas tu amik baggage. Keluar la cari makan, sebab kat airport ni ada restaurant halal yang diiktiraf oleh Jakim Malaysia. Pertama kali makan soba mee. Ok la not bad rasa dia, cuma sedap lagi mee rebus tempat kita.
Siap makan, keluar airport beli tiket bus. Naik bus g Doton Plaza sebab nak amik metro/train ke Shin Osaka. Tempat kerja kami kali ni di Nagoya. Hari pertama merasa almost semua public transport kat Jepun. Dari Doton Plaza, naik metro ke Shin Osaka ni kalau tak silap. Dari Shin Osaka baru naik Shinkasen ke Nagoya. Macam yang diketahui, diorang ni sangat tepati masa. Jadi semua perjalanan tu kira smooth la walau macam penat sikit sebab banyak menapak tarik luggage. Dah flight pun dah 6jam, lepas tu bus tu rasa amik masa dalam 40minit kot. Metro dalam 15minit gitu. Shinkasen pun almost sejam jugak. Sampai Nagoya tu dah nak gelap dah. Tapi jam baru pukul 5 lebih kot. Siang pendek.
Sesampai je kat Nagoya station, masing-masing penat nak jalan. So amik taxi je ke hotel. Taxi diorang memang boleh puji la. Model lama sekali pun pintu buka tutup automatik. Bersih memang takleh nak cakap apa la. Wangi dan convenience, luas! Hari pertama sampai takde buat apa sangat, just travel sana sini nak ke hotel ni, check in dan berehat. Dah gelap kan, tapi sebab awal lagi so malam tu kami berdua jalan-jalan juga la. Sebab kitaorang stay area town yang boleh kira hidup la. 24hours ada kedai buka, bar dan kedai makan sekeliling. A nice town la to stay.
Di sini la kami bermalam untuk 3malam. Lepak kejap je malam tu sebab esok dah janji dengan orang untuk pick up gi kerja jam 7 am. Suhu sejuk la untuk kita, tak tahan jugak. Kena sentiasa pakai baju tebal. Range suhu siang aroun 13-17, malam suhu lower than that. Berjalan banyak pun tak berpeluh tapi lenguh betis oii.. Hari pertama total jalan around 7km dah.. Jenuh!
Itu je la cerita hari pertama sampai ke Nagoya. Nanti karang lagi next entry.
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